Children: Seen and not Heard?

”All things should be done decently and in order. (1Cor. 14:40)”

In case you hadn't noticed, we celebrate the children of Christ Covenant Church, which is good because we have rather a lot of them. They are a sacred trust from God Himself; Scripture calls them Saints today (1Cor 7:14), and they represent the Church of tomorrow. What is more, Jesus reserves some of his severest censures for those who cause one of His little ones to stumble (Luke 17:2) or who get in His way when He comes to bless these little members of the Covenant community (Luke 18:16). Whatever else you read this morning, read this: Your children are welcome in our worship. No ifs, ands, or buts--well that's not exactly true, but it is almost true. Read on.

We should all love to hear the happy chattering of our children at appropriate times during our services, I know I do. It represents the buzzing vitality of a healthy Church. Without it, where would we be? I'll tell you: One generation away from closing our doors!

As such, we want our children in our worship services. Just like their parents, they have a right to be there, yes? Yes, but, even for adult members, that right only goes so far. None of us have the right to distract others from the main business of the day, the Worship of Almighty God. To that end, while the Bible certainly encourages the presence of children in worship services (Paul specifically addresses children in Ephesians and Colossians, books Paul designed for the Church to read in Public worship), the Bible also gives us other principles to govern worship as well--principles like,  "God is not the God of confusion but of peace (1Cor 14:33)," and "All things should be done decently and in order (1Cor 14:40). One of the cardinal Biblical principles of faithful Biblical interpretation is we should never use one Biblical principle as an excuse for denying another. Brace yourself, in case you are wondering, we are getting to the but, the and, and the if....

From this principle, throughout the ages, the best Christian traditions encourage creating a worship environment that helps rather than hinders the active, contemplative worship of God by members and visitors alike.

We all have to play our part in this. During the service, especially during those quiet seasons of reflection, when one of the elders or I am praying, reading Scripture, or preaching, we should all try to remain still and silent. Polite people know to refrain from all but the briefest of words to their neighbor, extended fits of coughing or sneezing (all the more important given our current pandemic), and any other behavior that might distract our neighbor's contemplation of God.

In this week's Covenanter, your elders have asked me to address how this principle applies to our children? Perhaps you are thinking, but, pastor, they are children, shouldn't we cut them some slack? Well, yes and no. Imaging our heavenly Father, we should always remain mindful of a child's frame and capacity (Psalm 103:13-14). They are not able to do everything an adult Christian can do. For that reason, our Larger Catechism suggests they refrain from active participation at the Lord's Table until they are of "years and ability to examine themselves. (WLC 177)." Your elders believe a similar principle precludes their presence in the quieter moments of the public worship of God when they cannot remain mostly silent for the good of the rest of the Church.

This begs two questions: how are we to define "Mostly silent," and what should parents do with a child who falls short of this standard?

By "mostly silent," your elders suggest the standard we use for the rest of the congregation. If a teenager or adult member was making a similar amount of noise, would they distract those nearby? Notice, the issue is not the ability of the child to remain quiet but the ability of others to focus on the service despite that noise. We are our brother's keeper and must not assist the devil in robbing him of  God's Word sown in his heart (Matt 13:19). In that regard, the human ear is much more sensitive to whining noises than to the kind we might call "Happy gurgling." If you don't believe me, try and watch a good movie while your dog stands at the back door, whining for you to let them in from the cold. Now, if that's all but impossible with a family pet, I am sure you realize it is much more so with an unhappy child? God has so framed the human heart that it cannot rest content hearing sounds of misery or sadness.

So what we are asking you to do is this: If your child expresses noisy discontent for more than a few seconds that you cannot settle, or if your happy chatter will not stop with a gentle finger on their lips and a barely audible but firm, "Shush", I would encourage you to remove them from the service quickly, with minimum fuss. 

But, Pastor, what distracts others might not distract me? How can I know? Well, I would humbly suggest, if you find yourself asking the question, little Johnny has probably already crossed the line. Further confirmation can quickly be gleaned if you see well-meaning worshippers looking in your direction to see if everything's okay or to dote on your little gurgling, bundle of joy; and certainly if the noise is obviously distracting the person praying, reading, or preaching then it's time to take action.

In that regard, ladies if you see a lady by herself struggling with diaper bag, several other children, and screamer "up in arms," please feel free to lend a helping hand and an encouraging "I've been there too!" smile as she exists. Men at the back, one of you might help with quietly opening and closing the sanctuary doors for her if you think that will be an issue.

What should you do after you take the child out? Well, the first thing I would recommend is tend to your child's immediate need. Change a dirty diaper, given them a drink of water, take them to the potty, etc. Especially if the child is a defiant happy chatter, or if their discontent obviously came from a spirit of willfulness, now might be a good time to exercise an appropriate discipline, remembering that you are in a public place. (N.B. The church is no less public a place than your local Starbucks, and while most of those in attendance are your well-meaning, like-minded church family, there may be dragons in attendance too. Beware). One thing I would definitely encourage you to bear in mind: "Don't reward noisy behavior with candy, etc., as a bribe for quiet re-entry to the service." When we reward an action, we tend to get more of it in the future.

One last word in closing: Please do not misunderstand or overreact to this word. The vast majority of your children do remarkably well in the service. I see this as a clear sign you are all doing regular family worship (always the best training ground for children). There are, however, as you might imagine, a couple or four exceptions. I really do not know who you are, but I suspect you do. If you find yourself wondering, "Oh, I feel sure, over the last week or two, my little Gertrude or Rupert was probably one of the loudest children in the sanctuary!" Don't panic. Keep calm and carry on worshipping with your family until the rest of us can't. Then quietly and quickly remember this kind word from a pastor who loves you and yours very much indeed.