The Chaos Within
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” (Philippians 4:8, ESV)
Our hearts are disordered, messy places. Much darkness clouds our thinking. Our emotions and affections are a sea of turbulent, troubled waters. Like the porridge in the Goldilocks story, they are more often too hot or too cold than they are "just right." Robbed of the light of God's law, our consciences are similarly unreliable. Like a sundial by the light of the moon, they cast a moral shadow to be sure, but just not at the right place, for the right reasons, or in the right direction. In Ephesians 4:17, Paul opens a window into the unredeemed human heart. It is, Paul says, a place of emptiness, darkness, lifelessness, hardness, and a greedy filthiness. Using a different metaphor, Isaiah said the same thing, "The wicked are like a troubled sea that cannot rest, whose waters cast up mire and dirt. There is no peace says my God for the wicked. Isaiah 57:15"
When it comes to understanding this inner turmoil, the thing to remember is that our emotions and affections are all fed by our minds. As Paul makes it clear in Ephesians 4, the Gentile way of life is caused by a Gentile way of thinking: Empty heads, hard hearts, filthy lives. It all begins with the mind. The same is true for the Christian. Paul says, "But you did not learn Christ that way, if indeed you have heard Him and been taught by Him, just as truth is in Jesus. (Eph 4:20-21)." This is a literal translation from the Greek. The ESV adds, "If indeed you have heard about Him," but that is not accurate; the word "about" is not in the original. Therefore, the power of the Christian pulpit lies not in the man who fills it but in the Christ who fills the man and who speaks through Him. His voice alone has the recreative power to renew the Christian in the spirit of his mind (Eph 4:23). So if you want to live a way you have never lived before, and you want to feel a way you have never felt before, you need to learn to think a way you have never thought before. That "change of mind" is the essence of Christian repentance. The Greek word for repentance (metanoia) means to know after--to have your mind completely changed after meeting some new piece of information. In Christianity, that new piece of information isn't an idea; it is a person, Jesus Christ, the Carpenter's Son, God's Son.
True and lasting change can only occur after a personal encounter with the Lord Christ. He is the mystery of godliness (1Timothy 3:16). How counter-predictable an idea is that? The secret to godliness lies not in what you and I do but in Christ and what He has done. As Paul put in the third chapter of his letter to the Philippians, "That I might know Him and the power of his resurrection." There is no power in the Christian life, do you see, behind the back of a personal relationship with Jesus Christ? Do you have that relationship? When you read the Bible and pray, do you feel challenged, confronted, comforted, convicted, changed by an encounter with Christ? Is Christ someone you know about, or is Christ someone with whom you commune--someone to whom you talk (pray), expose your grubby spiritual record (confession)? Do you ask him for advice, direction, and protection? Do you thank Him because you see Him as the reason for every success, victory, and good thing in your life? When He tells you to stop going in a particular direction, do you? Is there anywhere in your life where you are knowingly resisting or defying His will?
Perhaps you say to me, "No, I don't see any area of stand-out rebellion. But my whole life just feels like a mess. What am I supposed to do?"
Well, there are several things. First, don't lose heart. It takes time to change. And just like with golfers and their golf, in this life, at least, we will never get to where we feel we have arrived. Just like with golf, once we have the basics down, even though we may find ourselves addressing a series of ever smaller and smaller faults, they will still bother us just as much as the older ones that looked bigger at the time.
Second, expose yourself to as much good preaching as you can. For most in our assembly, the easiest way is to attend morning and evening worship. Spurgeon used to say, "It takes a whole Bible to make a whole Christian," and he is right. In 10 years, you are a sensible person; would you be better off hearing 520 sermons or 1040? Do the math! The best Christian counseling begins with the pulpit and cannot make up for your willful neglect. You won't get a more predictably direct experience of Christ anywhere else, not even one-on-one with a skilled counselor--as vital as they might be in the process of change.
Third, expose yourself to as much Christian fellowship as possible. Stay around after Church. Go to relevant Bible studies, small group meetings, and fellowship meals at Church. God never intended the Christian life to be a solo race. Run with the pack. It really is much easier.
Fourth, expose yourself to as much good Christian reading material as possible. By and large, we become what we read.
Fifth, keep a journal outlining your thoughts and feelings during the day. In particular, when you find your heart particularly off-kilter and out of whack, ask these questions: "What happened? How am I processing what happened (what are the internal voices saying about this thing)? What does the Bible have to say about that kind of thinking? How can I apply Paul's counsel in Philippians 4:8-9 right now: "Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things." To be clear, while I believe in organic mental illness, everyone I have ever encountered suffering from it also has abysmal habits of mental "hygiene." They listen to themselves when they should be talking to themselves, and what they are hearing is neither good, beautiful, nor true. These habits need to change, or nothing will.
Sixth, sometimes we need additional help, which is where your pastor and elders come in. Our door is always open; don't be afraid to call or text us. Tell us you need help. We can't pray about what we don't know! Of course, your particular problem may be beyond our skill-set or bandwidth to walk with you from start to finish. But if we can't help you, we can almost certainly put you in contact with someone who can.